Species Profiling

So even though it was raining, snowing, windy and nasty, it’s springtime and I was going to have a barbeque. I smoked a few racks of ribs and grilled some flank steak and corn, and Joan made salad and potatoes.

The whole gang showed up, and we pretended not to notice the cold weather while we huddled around the fire, drinking beer and swapping fish stories.

After the required amount of fermented grain goodness had been consumed, the conversation focused on the qualities associated with the different species of trout. Everyone had a favorite, and they wanted the rest of us to know exactly why their choice was the best.

John the Baptist, whose name is John but who isn’t Baptist, started the whole mess by saying, “You know…I like to catch brook trout. There’s so few of them in the Bitterroot that when you catch one, you get a real sense of accomplishment. Plus, they look so different from all the others. I think they’re cool.”

Big Al said, “If you think rare is cool, then bull trout are the best fish to catch. Now that’s an accomplishment, and they grow to be humongous.”

“Bull trout aren’t even trout,” Stinky Pete replied. “They’re misnamed. And if you’re going to go after bulls or brookies, you might as well try catching lake trout, or barracuda for that matter. You’ll have just as much luck finding those in the Bitterroot.

“Brown trout are your best chance to catch a big fish in this river. There are plenty of them, but they’re smart. You’ve got to know what you’re doing if you’re going to land a big brownie on a dry fly.”

Nick Dixon said, “Cutthroat trout are the true indigenous fish to this area. As such, there’s a certain nobility to catching a wild cutt in its native waters. There’s a connection to history and to your natural surroundings that you can’t get with other species.”

“Dude, cutthroats are idiots,” replied Hippie Dave. “They’ll bite anything, and they don’t put up much of a fight. Pound for pound the best type of trout is a rainbow. They get big, and they’re the strongest swimmers. None of the others jump like a rainbow either. There’s no question that they’re the best…end of story, man.”

“All of those are stereotypes,” I said. “Each species has certain tendencies, but an individual trout is going to act based on instinct and its natural abilities. I’ve seen brownies jump, cutts fight like heck, and rainbows dive for the bottom. The best trout is the one on the end of my line. Y’all are engaging in species profiling.”

That got me to thinking.

Racial profiling has become a hot topic lately. In case you’ve been in a drunken stupor for the past couple of weeks and just sobered up, the state of Arizona passed a law that says police are required to make a reasonable attempt to determine the immigration status of a person that they reasonably suspect is in this country illegally.

Why do we have to pass laws making it illegal to commit crimes that are already on the books? They’re called illegal aliens because they’re here unlawfully. The new Arizona law doesn’t do much more than give state and local law enforcement officials the same rights and responsibilities as federal officials when it comes to immigration issues.

Critics say that this will lead to cops harassing folks because of their appearance and skin color. They say it will be like Nazi Germany. They describe scenes like in the movies where SS officers are searching a trainload of passengers saying, “Let me see your papers. Your papers appear to be out of order. You will come with us.”

I imagine that Arizona law enforcement officials would need more than the way somebody looks to be reasonably suspicious of their citizenship status. If a cop stops a truck that’s crossing the desert in 115 degree heat with 40 scared, dehydrated people who don’t speak English in the un-air conditioned trailer, then he might want to find out a little bit about their immigration status.

President Obama called the legislation “misguided.” Liberal pundits have declared it unconstitutional. I’m sure the courts will determine that it unfairly targets a particular segment of the population.

I understand that illegal aliens provide much needed cheap labor. In exchange they get paid, they get tax-payer funded indigent medical care, and their children get educated in our public schools. They don’t pay taxes.

The point is illegal immigrants are breaking the law, which makes them criminals. I don’t believe that it’s misguided or unconstitutional to want our federal laws enforced. And if the feds won’t do it, then I guess it’s up to local governments to pick up the slack.

I don’t know, I guess I think too hard about these things.

Copyright 2010