Grilling

So Joan decided she was going to grill some steaks all on her own. I was allowed to watch, but I was told to keep my comments to a minimum, and by no means was I supposed to touch anything.


This is the sort of thing that drives men crazy and makes them load up their guns and take out a room full of innocent bystanders. The grill is ours. We control outdoor cooking, and we can’t watch someone else do it without interfering.

I could be standing around watching Bobby Flay flipping burgers, and I’d still offer my opinion. He wouldn’t have a problem – he’d expect it. Every man has their own way of doing things when it comes to charring flesh over flames, and discussing the differences is part of the male bonding experience.

If I were to say, “Bobby, I think those burgers are looking good. Maybe they’re ready to be flipped,” nobody’s feelings would be hurt. He wouldn’t think that I was criticizing his cooking abilities, or that I was calling him fat. He wouldn’t burst into tears, run inside, and lock himself in the bathroom until I apologized and agreed to take him to the mall in Missoula for a little shopping spree.

So when Joan left the steaks on too long, I didn’t say a word. I knew they were going to be as juicy and delicious as a bowl full of sand, but I kept my mouth shut. I felt as helpless as a calf who’d been roped and bulldogged and who was about to be made into a steer.

I could fix this. I could make it better if only somebody would let me. I had to turn away to hide my frustration.

That got me to thinking.

Now I know how the National Guard troops that are assigned to the Mexican border feel.

President Obama announced last weeks that 1,200 National Guard are being sent to our southern border. At first folks thought, “Great, the federal government is finally doing something to stem the flow of illegal immigrants pouring into this country like vodka down Lindsay Lohan’s throat.”

But then the administration explained that while the Guard will be providing support, they won’t be helping the Border Patrol arrest illegal immigrants. They’ll be watching the border from remote surveillance points, analyzing intelligence coming in from other entities, and passing that information on to agents in the field.

By doing this the President said, “They can relieve border guards so that the border guards then can be in charge of law enforcement in those areas.”

US Ambassador to Mexico Carlos Pascual assured Mexican journalists that the National Guard will not be on the front lines and won’t interacting with people crossing the border. State Department spokesman Philip Crowley was quick to point out, “It’s not about immigration. It’s about the flow of certain things coming in this direction.”

I reckon by “things” he means drugs.

But according to T.J. Bonner, president of the National Border Patrol Council, a union that represents 17,000 agents, folks shouldn’t be surprised if the extra help doesn’t have much of an impact. He said, "They shouldn't expect that the announcement of up to 1,200 National Guard members will send a shock wave of fear in the cartels and that they will start playing nice."

All of this is going on at the same time that the Department of Homeland Security is telling Texas law enforcement authorities to be on the lookout for a suspected Somali man that they believe is trying to enter the country from Mexico. He’s said to be a member of the Al-Shabaab terrorist group.

Apparently, a whole bunch of these Al Shabaab guys have been coming into the country lately. Court documents that were recently unsealed accuse a Texas man of smuggling hundreds of Somalis through Brazil, South America and Mexico into the United States. Many of these illegal immigrants are suspected of having ties with Al-Shabaab, a terrorist organization in Somalia that’s aligned with Al-Qaeda.

Foxnews.com reports that according to law enforcement officials, Mexican smugglers are coaching Middle Easterners in how to look more Hispanic. In villages throughout northern Mexico, they’re being taught how to dress, how to act, and how to speak Spanish.

Despite this, Obama’s being very careful not to do anything to upset his good buddy President Calderon of Mexico. He knows that if we were to actually secure our borders, enforce our immigration laws, and stop illegal immigrants from crossing the border, then Mexican citizens couldn’t get their US taxpayer funded health care and education.

And if that happened, Calderon would stop coming to the White House barbeques.

I don’t know, I guess I think too hard about these things.